2010 - Bemm River


"Plastic BreamTastic Tour"

Captain - Hilly

The  Bullcrew venture for 2010 started a day early for a few Bullcrew  members who had trouble at the end of the night getting to Baz’s, getting  through the door at Baz’s and getting into bed at Baz’s.  A couple were certainly a bit worse for wear  on the trip east to the Mighty Bemm.

Hilly picked up Planet and Huggy then spent the next 2 hours meandering around Melbourne to pick up keys, get the goddam IT device needed, then drop  off the keys... did I mention some guys the night before.

It  was an uneventful trip through the Valley (stopping for a beaut cuppa at The Red Annex) to Bemm River and in his haste to get to the destination Planet went ever  so slightly over the speed limit (24KM) as Mr Plod passed the other way.  The finger was up, the lights were on and the  boys already had their iphones out texting the first error of the trip.  In the apparent skills shortage the Victorian  Police Force have thought outside the square and tapped into the high  unemployment area left over by the demise of the circus industry, cause it is  now obvious they are employing clowns to work the beat: “I looked at my speed  detector and thought it was broken, yuk, yuk, yuk”, “yeah, it’s about an hour  to get to Bemm from here but you could do it in half an hour, chuckle”.

We  all arrived at the ranch by the river, claimed a bed. Wow the space was a shock  and old Davey Boy was actually able to escape sleeping with Bush ( did I say  that right). We settled in to reacquainting ourselves after the year that  passed (very quickly I must say)

The  beers started to flow and official proceedings began with Captain Johnno  handing over the reins to Captain Hill who had done a magnificent job of  arranging the salubrious abode in a very pleasant part of the world (the first  land based venture).  Presentations were  made to Planet for the Gilligan Award, and Baz and Planet for the Footy  Tipping, then it was time to hand out the Hawaiian shirts to the boys – with  none with a bigger smile on his dial than Pickles who was very happy with his  apricot shirt.  Perhaps a good lure   colour in the bars of NY?

The  IT department had certainly improved their operation this year with state of  the art audio visual equipment and updated software.  The standards keep lifting every year and the  food was no exception, well done Baz and Hilly.   We watched a bit of classic Ron ‘Tater Salad’ White – “That’s relaxed  right there. If you’re floating down a river, drinking a beer, peeing on  yourself, there’s no tension there, is there?”

Next  morning it’s up and ready to pounce on some Brim in the Mighty Bemm.  With radios, plastics and determination on  board we headed off to plunder the natural environment – and were confident we   could do better than last year with two fish and two trees caught.

Team Bush-Baz had the speed machine and toyed  with us as we white knuckle twisted the throttle to get the last 0.1 of a horse power out of the engines.  Team Evie-Joff  unfortunately had the slug, inappropriately painted yellow to lure the unwary  and managed to get to the fishing spots last – is it true a duck was swimming behind  them and Joffa has called out and waved “go around”.  Team Pickles-Magic-Hughes (soon to divorce  Hughes) was straight into the action and working the plastic hard (that could be  taken the wrong way – so could that) and started to get some nice runs on  board.  Team Hill-Planet were working but  with little result till meeting with the Team PMH and then started to get a  few.

How  good was it to be out on the water again and getting a few bites - the weather  threatened, had a little bit of a piss down but of no consequence.  Dave settled into a very comfy couch and put  in some big hours on the novels – I’d suggest a personal best this year (again  the standards keep lifting).  Back at the  ranch we settled into a few beers/sav blanc and the best Paella I have ever had  (again lifting the standards) and it was time for the perpetual TEDAS V ROTW  quiz challenge. It was neck and neck then getting close to the end it was locked  at 48 all, when TEDAs blew the competition away to win 72 – 64.

It  was out on the river again and a few nice fish caught but the boys had to put  in some fishing hours to get small numbers.   Johnno picked up a nice Salmon and there was Luderick, Brim, Flathead  and Taylor caught.  Team HP tried a  different strategy and landed a quick few Taylor even as the opposition looked  on in wonder and awe at the pure talent and style.  Over lunch Evie had enough of the crap and  put a curse on the Team HP and that was it, things went dead on the fishing  front, the wind came up and getting back was interesting for Team HP with the  waves smashing us, fuel lead coming off, motor stalling and yet we still beat  the yellow slug home.

The  perpetual TEDAS V ROTW bocce was later underway and all I can say is that it  was a shellacking - it was time for the ROTW to rebuild.  We had dinner that night and then settled  into some memorabilia, reminiscing about old times and old flames – hello  there’s Carol Watt again, then it was arsehole and the bullshit flowed free and   unhindered.

A  slow start for some in the morning however Team Hilly Pickles put in some big  hours on the plastics - there was concern that they didn’t have any food or  return for lunch and Hilly had gotten hungry and eaten Pickles.  Team Bush Planet managed to find a nice  little protected hideaway and got a couple on board.  After dinner we meandered towards the pub for  a couple of night caps and wandered in a little apprehensive in the Hawaiian  dinner jackets and baggy greens.

The TEDAS  V ROTW pool challenge was on and it was the chance for the ROTW team to show  some mettle, but to no avail.  TEDAS  could do nothing wrong and even the barman (Johnny Wanker) could not outdo the  power and awesomeness of the Bullcrew collective.  Show us a challenge and in our beer, rock  music, sexy video clip fired state we overcome all and by the end of the night  we lined up for the local paparazzi to click away.

Johnny Wanker was bruised and cranky but the  Bullcrew lads left head held high (after cleaning the mess in the dunny) –  except Pickles who was still hanging out for the chance of a bit of local talent.  A special mention must go to Pickles for  efforts to attend from the Big Apple which may not have gone down well with the  NBC network anchor but hey you gotta get your priorities right and also for taking  out the coveted fishing prize for this year.

Perhaps  going to the pub on the last night was not the best idea as we all struggled  out of bed to pack up and piss off back to normal life again. The magnificent journey to another time and  place was over again for another year. However the good news is we are off to  the land of the Cockroach in 2011.  It  will be year five of the Bullcrew epic voyage and I don’t know about you but I  can’t wait for Captain Evie to lead us to the great land of blue – will it be  north, will it be south or will we be riding a float down George St with our  rods out.

Some  memorable quotes:

He’s like a portable abo – moving around to keep  the flies off (Bush)

Fuck’n bullshit! – That’s what this is.  (Johnno in a state of minor disagreement)

Fox has a fish finder – in our case the fish  find us (Hilly)

Disco Cabbage (Hilly – in relation to what, I  have no idea)

Evie's defintion of being mates with Bush - Baz “I’m your mate aren’t I?” Bush “I’m  abusing you aren’t I?”

“My balls are itchy -  they used to call Evie the Persian of Kay St  (Bush)