'Plastic BreamTastic' Tour
Captain - Hilly
The Bullcrew venture for 2010 started a day early for a few Bullcrew members who had trouble at the end of the night getting to Baz’s, getting through the door at Baz’s and getting into bed at Baz’s. A couple were certainly a bit worse for wear on the trip east to the Mighty Bemm.
Hilly picked up Planet and Huggy then spent the next 2 hours meandering around Melbourne to pick up keys, get the goddam IT device needed, then drop off the keys... did I mention some guys the night before.
It was an uneventful trip through the Valley (stopping for a beaut cuppa at The Red Annex) to Bemm River and in his haste to get to the destination Planet went ever so slightly over the speed limit (24KM) as Mr Plod passed the other way. The finger was up, the lights were on and the boys already had their iphones out texting the first error of the trip. In the apparent skills shortage the Victorian Police Force have thought outside the square and tapped into the high unemployment area left over by the demise of the circus industry, cause it is now obvious they are employing clowns to work the beat: “I looked at my speed detector and thought it was broken, yuk, yuk, yuk”, “yeah, it’s about an hour to get to Bemm from here but you could do it in half an hour, chuckle”.
We all arrived at the ranch by the river, claimed a bed. Wow the space was a shock and old Davey Boy was actually able to escape sleeping with Bush ( did I say that right). We settled in to reacquainting ourselves after the year that passed (very quickly I must say)
The beers started to flow and official proceedings began with Captain Johnno handing over the reins to Captain Hill who had done a magnificent job of arranging the salubrious abode in a very pleasant part of the world (the first land-based venture). Presentations were made to Planet for the Gilligan Award, and Baz and Planet for the Footy Tipping, then it was time to hand out the Hawaiian shirts to the boys – with none with a bigger smile on his dial than Pickles who was very happy with his apricot shirt. Perhaps a good lure colour in the bars of NY?
The IT department had certainly improved their operation this year with state of the art audio visual equipment and updated software. The standards keep lifting every year and the food was no exception, well done Baz and Hilly. We watched a bit of classic Ron ‘Tater Salad’ White – “That’s relaxed right there. If you’re floating down a river, drinking a beer, peeing on yourself, there’s no tension there, is there?”
Next morning it’s up and ready to pounce on some Brim in the Mighty Bemm. With radios, plastics and determination on board we headed off to plunder the natural environment – and were confident we could do better than last year with two fish and two trees caught.
Team Bush-Baz had the speed machine and toyed with us as we white knuckle twisted the throttle to get the last 0.1 of a horsepower out of the engines. Team Evie-Joff, unfortunately, had the slug, inappropriately painted yellow to lure the unwary and managed to get to the fishing spots last – is it true a duck was swimming behind them and Joffa has called out and waved “go around”. Team Pickles-Magic-Hughes (soon to divorce Hughes) was straight into the action and working the plastic hard (that could be taken the wrong way – so could that) and started to get some nice runs on board. Team Hill-Planet were working but with little result till meeting with the Team PMH and then started to get a few.
How good was it to be out on the water again and getting a few bites - the weather threatened, had a little bit of a piss down but of no consequence. Dave settled into a very comfy couch and put in some big hours on the novels – I’d suggest a personal best this year (again the standards keep lifting). Back at the ranch we settled into a few beers/sav blanc and the best Paella I have ever had (again lifting the standards) and it was time for the perpetual TEDAS V ROTW quiz challenge. It was neck and neck then getting close to the end it was locked at 48 all, when TEDAs blew the competition away to win 72 – 64.
It was out on the river again and a few nice fish caught but the boys had to put in some fishing hours to get small numbers. Johnno picked up a nice Salmon and there was Luderick, Brim, Flathead and Taylor caught. Team HP tried a different strategy and landed a quick few Taylor even as the opposition looked on in wonder and awe at the pure talent and style. Over lunch Evie had enough of the crap and put a curse on the Team HP and that was it, things went dead on the fishing front, the wind came up and getting back was interesting for Team HP with the waves smashing us, fuel lead coming off, motor stalling and yet we still beat the yellow slug home.
The perpetual TEDAS V ROTW bocce was later underway and all I can say is that it was a shellacking - it was time for the ROTW to rebuild. We had dinner that night and then settled into some memorabilia, reminiscing about old times and old flames – hello there’s Carol Watt again, then it was arsehole and the bullshit flowed free and unhindered.
A slow start for some in the morning however Team Hilly Pickles put in some big hours on the plastics - there was concern that they didn’t have any food or return for lunch and Hilly had gotten hungry and eaten Pickles. Team Bush Planet managed to find a nice little protected hideaway and got a couple on board. After dinner we meandered towards the pub for a couple of night caps and wandered in a little apprehensive in the Hawaiian dinner jackets and baggy greens.
The TEDAS V ROTW pool challenge was on and it was the chance for the ROTW team to show some mettle, but to no avail. TEDAS could do nothing wrong and even the barman (Johnny Wanker) could not outdo the power and awesomeness of the Bullcrew collective. Show us a challenge and in our beer, rock music, sexy video clip fired state we overcome all and by the end of the night we lined up for the local paparazzi to click away.
Johnny Wanker was bruised and cranky but the Bullcrew lads left head held high (after cleaning the mess in the dunny) – except Pickles who was still hanging out for the chance of a bit of local talent. A special mention must go to Pickles for efforts to attend from the Big Apple which may not have gone down well with the NBC network anchor but hey you gotta get your priorities right and also for taking out the coveted fishing prize for this year.
Perhaps going to the pub on the last night was not the best idea as we all struggled out of bed to pack up and piss off back to normal life again. The magnificent journey to another time and place was over again for another year. However the good news is we are off to the land of the Cockroach in 2011. It will be year five of the Bullcrew epic voyage and I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for Captain Evie to lead us to the great land of blue – will it be north, will it be south or will we be riding a float down George St with our rods out.
Some memorable quotes:
He’s like a portable abo – moving around to keep the flies off (Bush)
Fuck’n bullshit! – That’s what this is. (Johnno in a state of minor disagreement)
Fox has a fish finder – in our case the fish find us (Hilly)
Disco Cabbage (Hilly – in relation to what, I have no idea)
Evie's defintion of being mates with Bush - Baz “I’m your mate aren’t I?” Bush “I’m abusing you aren’t I?”
“My balls are itchy - they used to call Evie the Persian of Kay St (Bush)