2008 - Hervey Bay


"Git R Done Tour"

Vessel - Neptune
Captain - Planet

The trip started early for some who ventured from the southern cold climes to the supposedly tropical north.  However the weather was a bit cool, windy and rainy as we headed towards Riverheads in the Soob with four crew members.  Actually it was a bit windy in the Soob and some would say life threatening as the available oxygen levels quickly depleted.  There were some concerns that it would only be the four of us after Pickles pulled out trying to put it in, in the Big Apple, Joffa thought serving coffee was more interesting, Cockroach Evie was unable to be tempted and Huggy let Johnno book their airline tickets.

On arrival Hilly & Baz went to stock up whilst Bush & Captain Planet boarded the vessel and went through the Neptune induction quicker than Baz’s next sexual encounter. Wayne was fairly relaxed about the operation and maintenance of the vessel – this doesn’t work, that may not work, this thing is a bit dodgy, if this stops call me, and I ever get my hands on the bloke who invented environmental fucking toilets.

We headed east towards Fraser taking care not to get in the way of the car ferry and acquainted ourselves with the vessel and chose our beds.  Johnno and Planet had the pick of the accommodation however with the carpet on the walls, floor & ceiling Johnno had a hell of a time getting out of bed each morning due to the ‘velcro effect’.   After anchoring up for the night near McKenzie Jetty we settled in with a few beers, BBQ and official duties where Captain Ironguts handed over to Captain Planet, the Gilligan Award was presented to last years winner Bush and the hats & caps (well done Johnno) were handed out.  Hilly brought along a “Git R Done’ redneck DVD which had everyone in stitches.

For whatever reason, Baz unleashed an unprovoked attack on one of Australia’s legendary sporting commentators – Bruce McAvaney which had obviously been building up for a while (like his knacker bag) based on the intense vitriol erupting from the usually controlled bloke.

Shit – what the hell was that - it was all hands on deck when we felt the boat move at night due to the running tide.  The crew worked tirelessly for a minute or two to ensure the vessel was safe and all was well again.

Bush & Planet were up early and on the glassy water chasing some small stuff with a couple of nibbles here and there.  The only decent hit we got was when Bush noticed the tide was propelling us rapidly towards a marker buoy, with his response being to drop the donk into gear, rev it and accelerate directly into it (not sure what he was thinking – did it resembled a red light or perhaps he thought a police boat was approaching).

We motored north looking for hot spots and Johhno at the helm felt the need to head up the Woolgoolba Creek, stalling one engine in the process, drifting into the mud and narrowly escaping the creek before the ferry came out at a great rate of knots.  Then Huggy took over the helm and displayed some beautiful driving skills creating a perfect sine wave.

We found the perfect spot to stop for the evening – a sandy creek with a couple of rusting cargo vessels nearby.  The weather was beautiful, water calm and life was good on the Great Sandy Straits.  The fish were still elusive but the weather had turned out something special and the sunset simply sensational.

Baz, again was exquisite and at his best in the galley, cooking up a nice green chicken curry and playing a big part in feeding us all, but at times was a bit anal (by the way for those interested in viewing Baz’s recent colonoscopy on You Tube click here) and getting a bit cranky if someone wanted to deviate from his gastronomic standards and set menu.  We settled into a game of Arsehole with Bush presiding over most of the sittings to be knocked off by Baz at the end.

The fugies were out in force with a particular liking for Bush’s bait as we tried various hot spots as we motored along the Fraser coast, but in the end we said fuck you fugies and we headed back to Kingfisher Bay for our final night.  On the top deck cruising north then we kicked back and enjoyed the company and peacefulness.  Then it was noticed we’d lost an engine; was it the result of another of Wayne maintenance cost reduction schemes – no, the fuel line came off.

True to form Huggy read a whole book on the trip – an account of the prisoners of war at Guantanamo Bay and how, as evidence of how cruel humans could be, Tofu was used to torture the poor souls – no doubt one of the most heinous crimes of history.

It should be stated that whilst Bush came out of the blocks quickly on the rankness scale by far the marathon runner for gaseous bodily functions would be Hilly.  The atmosphere in his boudoir/ the dining room was something indescribable.  Huggy has copped the short end of the stick the last two voyages, in the closet of death last year with Bush and this year slept on a narrow seat with friendly radio messages greeting him each morning.

The team headed for land for a bit of a stroll around the Kingfisher Bay resort and Bush picked up the boys again in the tender when again something spooked him as he proceeded to ram the mothership.

We pulled up anchor for the last time and the Captain knocked up an old fashioned cooked breakfast as we motored west.  Another successful venture, well we’ve set a trend now and whilst we did better last years total fish count we didn’t threaten the fish species.  The weather was perfect, the food splendid, the vessel comfortable and ready to spring unsuspecting challenges upon us and the company excellent – looking forward to Captain Johnno’s expedition in 2009.